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I always think about those last few times we talked. They were so funny and crazy. We were all joking around, laughing, and just enjoying ourselves. We had pulled some pranks on each other and it was cute how you got all defensive for my safety yet scary as heck when you pranked us back. You may have gotten really protective but it was cute and sweet of you to do. I was obviously clueless but I kind of got it figured out. It was funny when you were watching your movie and we commented back and fourth with each other; seeing how entertained you were by that movie was probably the cutest thing ever to see your inner child come out. We all played truth or dare, MFK, and so much more. It was nice to chill and catch up; honestly it felt like I was never gone. I felt so special when you called me as yours, it was nice to hear. I know we had our little awkward conversation but I could tell a little that you sensed why I was off that day. When you had asked me if I was okay and I said I was fine, you knew I wasn’t because I was so quiet. Most people can’t see through my lies when I actually try. I don’t like people to worry about me. Just when you do, I feel safe and wanted. I feel like life is worth living because I am your everything and I am that one thing that keeps you going. I have sleepless nights with or without you. When I am with you I am sleepless because we talk literally all night to all morning; when I am without you I am sleepless because all I can do is think about you & miss you. Your jokes, weirdness, sweetness, and even that dirty mind of yours……I miss it all. It brightened my day. I actually could laugh and mean it. I could smile and mean it. There was no more pain behind my eyes with you. When I would sing as song they were dedicated to you. When I touched you all there was is love. I was actually happy.

Why did you have to go? I know I ruined everything, I always ruin the best things for myself. Somehow I always ruin the people I care for the most in the worst ways….why did I have to do that to you? You were so important and you’re gone. My laughs now hide what I am really thinking. My smiles are all fake now. My eyes are drowning with sorrow and pain, I can even notice it in pictures. My singing is still towards  you but with a different longing meaning. My touch now is filled with as cold as ice. My friends even are worried for me, they don’t need to worry about anything. I need them to have a little faith in me, I mean they must think pretty lowly of me to think I might do something. People don’t need to worry about me, I can take care of myself. Don’t get involved with me unless you want to walk away with a broken heart….you are the only one I can promise that if you came back that I would fix your heart.

P.S. It’s nice to know that the heartbreaker is truly a sweet heart and just uses the bad boy act as a cover up, it kills me to know I actually broke you. I mean, I know how you get mad whenever someone called you a player….you knew you weren’t deep down but your actions spoke otherwise. People say it’s a victory to make a heartbroken heartbreaker. Well it’s not, it creates a monster within both of us. You will now hit up any girl to get me off your mind aka monster. As I will just cry myself to sleep and write these endless realities that I caused….aka I was always a monster from the beginning. But all honesty here……I fell for the bad boy, I fell for the heartbreaker, I fell for the kid I knew deep within you, I fell for that boy who befriended me on my first day at a new school in the middle of the year, I fell for the real you, I fell for all of you….yet I made you think I couldn’t care less for you. You put yourself on the line and I pushed you off watching as you fell for me, little did you know that I was holding your hand the whole time falling for you too.