ruin

At this point I don’t know what’s ruined me. I don’t know if it was my family, my friends, or school. But to be honest when I look in the mirror I realize that the only person who really ruined myself was me. I tore myself down until was absolutely nothing. I believed I was worthless and that I deserved death. I chose to stop living, I chose to be sad. It was all my fault. This is all my fault. I ruin everything. EVERYTHING. Just once I want things to go right, just one time. Don’t ever get involved with me, I will ruin anything and anyone in my path. And I don’t ruin things intentionally, it’s by accident. I push people away. I’m emotionless. I don’t care. I have no feelings. My happiness lasts maybe 1-3 weeks and then I go numb. It’s like I can make myself feel that there was nothing ever between us and that I never needed you and that I’m better off alone. It’s not okay. I don’t wanna be like this but I want to protect myself. I don’t want to hurt, I don’t want to be broken. If I can prevent that then I will. Or else I will just look myself in the mirror with tears falling down my face as I mouth “I told you that you would only end up hurt”. If there’s anyone who critics you the most it’s yourself. I know this personally, I’m so horrible to myself. After all, I ruined myself. I ruined the sweet little girl I was. I’m so heartless and cold. And I do my best not to let people get attached to me because I don’t want them to be in pain. I’m not worth their time. Wow….I’ve really ruined myself. Please don’t be afraid to take chances even if they scare you, sometimes we need to take risks. We learn from mistakes. Don’t hold yourself back. Don’t be like me. Live your life. Don’t let people slip away. Embrace every waking moment you have. Please.