felt

12.22.15

It had been a long day.

I was going to a meet a couple of guys that I had always adored. 

But I missed meeting them by just a minute or so. 

And I was so sad. 

So I waited around and I caught the one who was my first love. 

I explained everything that happened and we took a photo. 

We started talking and he agreed to walk me home. 

We just ended up laughing and holding hands. 

He walked me home and I gave him my number. 

He said he’d be back. 

I was smiling like an idiot. 

He left and called me and we chatted and then he said hold on and the call ended. 

I was sad. 

I walk inside my house and saw him.

“Oh wow! Hey”me

“Ayeeeee”him

He picks me up bridal style and starts giving me pecks. 

I cooperated. 

He walked us outside and into an uber and we started making out. 

He licked my lower lip. 

And I felt it. 

And I went in for it. 

I started tongue kissing him and he did the same. 

We pulled away.

“I’m sorry we just met” – him

“yeah I’m sorry too.” me

We ended up going to the park together and just walking around and getting to know more about each other. 

We then went to his hotel. 

He sat on the bed. 

We talked for a bit and then things began to get heated.

This guy had stolen my heart, of course I trusted him.

Of course I was willing to give him myself.

And then he pushed me away cause we heard a knock. 

“get off” him 

 “aye my buddy is here and I need you to go, come back in an hour” him

My face showed so much disbelief. 

I got up and let his friend in and started putting my shoes on. 

I began to cry. 

I looked at him but he wasn’t focused and I left. 

I woke up. 

It was all a dream.

I wanted to erase that last part of the dream. 

In the beginning I loved it all. 

He actually took a chance on me. 

He gave me a second glacé. 

He actually wanted me. 

He kissed me. 

I gave him my first kiss. 

But then he treated me like some prostitute who will fulfill his needs when he has time. 

He let me do all those things and then told me to leave and come back. 

I had no place to go. 

I’ve never been to this part of town, it was the bad side. 

I wouldn’t have gone back anyways but I would. 

Because I’d convince myself he didn’t mean to be so harsh. 

And then knowing my luck he would take my virginity and I’d wake up and he’d be gone with the excuse that he was sorry and he had to go to the next tour stop. 

I don’t know why I’m feeling this. 

I don’t know why I’m upset. 

But I just don’t see how I felt everything in the dream. 

Every breathe. 

Every kiss. 

Every touch. 

Everything. 

This is beginning to scare me. 

Maybe it’s a sign.