I don’t think I’ve realized
How mentally and emotionally
Fucked up I am
From toxic boys
Until now
Until an amazing guy
Who absolutely cares for me
Tried to get intimate with me
Out of love
He didn’t force it
I wanted it
We both wanted it
But as his hands touched my body
I couldn’t help to think
What if he’s like everyone else
What if that’s all he wants me for
What if he really never cared
And now he’s finally getting
Exactly what he wanted
And then he’ll leave
Or tell everyone
And make me look like a joke
Make me look like a fool
I couldn’t even enjoy it
Half of me did
And half of me wanted to cry
Not because I didn’t like it
But because I was scared
That someone
Only wanted me
For my body
All over again