sss

Hands
Sliding up my legs
Pushing aside my clothing
All my clothing
Entering my body
Uninvited
Feeling around
As if it was their home
Leaving me powerless
Speechless
Just letting go
And accepting defeat
Telling myself to act okay
To act like I wanted it
To act like I asked for it
But we talked about this
I told you I wasn’t ready
And that I wouldn’t be for months
But then you blamed me
Saying it was my fault
But you knew about the others
What they did to me
And how I froze every time
Trying to tell me you asked if it was okay
But the only time I heard you ask me
Was on your way out
When it was already done with
And I just said it was fine
Cause I wanted you to leave
So I could break
And when you did
There I was
Trying to convince myself it was okay
That I was overreacting
But I didn’t want it
I even told myself to stay with you
Since it was done, it was too late
And I tried to force myself to just enjoy it next time
Or at least act like I did
But I couldn’t do that to myself
Not again